


tried and true

by mixtapestar



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Asexual Character, Asexuality Spectrum, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28355367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mixtapestar/pseuds/mixtapestar
Summary: Actually in the tavern for once, Merlin confides in Gwaine about his feelings for Arthur.
Relationships: Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 96
Collections: Peaches and Plums Stockings 2020





	tried and true

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fearlesstogether](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fearlesstogether/gifts).



> Happy holidays, Mariek! I've been wanting to write ace-spec Merlin, so your stocking prompts were perfect! Hope you enjoy! <3

Merlin sometimes feels like the weather tries to match his mood. It's been a week of gloomy cloud cover, and he's felt it, deep in his bones. He does his work perfunctorily, faking a smile when he needs to, mostly just looking to get through each day.

At the end of the week, after much coercion from Gwaine, Merlin actually spends an evening in the tavern.

Gwaine sets down a sizable mug of cider in front of Merlin and claps him on the back. "Drink up. You'll feel better."

Merlin shoots Gwaine a dubious look, as if to say, _Will I really?_ But he still takes the mug in his hand, swallowing down a decent amount of cider before returning it to the table.

"So are you going to tell me what's actually going on, or will I have to guess?"

Merlin already regrets taking Gwaine up on his offer. "I was told that going to the tavern would 'get my mind off things'. This seems like the opposite."

Gwaine grins unrepentantly. "You should know better by now than to take me at my word. Now, go on. Is this about Arthur? Has he changed his tune about your… gifts?"

"Arthur's fine. He's moved past begrudging acceptance to half-arsed support," Merlin says, picking his mug back up.

Gwaine narrows his eyes. "It should be whole-arsed support at this point. Need me to go rough him up for you? I can do it safely. His technique is a touch too predictable, and there's a lot I can do under the guise of 'training'."

Merlin chuckles into his drink. "Thanks, mate, but no. And if his technique is that predictable you should probably tell him. It won't do to have him taken down by a rogue bandit because he always leads with his left."

"I've told him before. He's just stubborn."

Merlin takes a big gulp of cider. "You'll have no disagreements from me there."

"So this _is_ about Arthur." Merlin checks surreptitiously to make sure no one is watching, and then whispers the incantation for a sound dampening spell. Gwaine grins. "Now we're getting somewhere."

"Don't be smug. It's not a good look on you." Merlin takes another bracing swig of cider, and then he dives in. "I thought that after I revealed my secret, things would be different. Either he'd view it as the ultimate betrayal and have me executed or banished, or he'd recognize what I've done for him, _always_ done for him and embrace the knowledge. Instead, it's… this. Things are going back to normal, but more of the normal of three years ago, when he refused to call me a friend despite always keeping me in his confidences."

"Far be it from me to make excuses for our king, but he can be a bit slow to see the forest for the trees. Have you tried just planting one on him?"

Merlin chokes on his cider. " _What?_ "

"He never bothers to process his feelings unless he's forced to. Did you know after Gwen returned, he almost picked it back up with her by rote, until she asked him to describe in detail exactly what he felt for her?"

Merlin didn't know that. Arthur had always kept quiet about the details of his parting with Gwen, other than to show support for Lancelot's later relationship with her. "I don't see what this has to do with me."

"Don't be coy, Merlin. I see how you two look at each other, and I'm telling you, it's never going beyond agonizing, fraught looks unless you do something drastic. Like barge into his chambers and kiss him within an inch of his life." He shrugs and picks up his drink, sitting back as if he really thinks it's that simple.

Merlin rolls his eyes. "I'm not barging into the bedroom of _our king_ and forcing a sign of affection on him that he may not even want."

"But you admit that you want to," Gwaine says, inclining his mug toward Merlin.

"Only if it's reciprocated. And only… a limited set of romantic overtures," Merlin says with a sigh. And really, that's the heart of the matter, isn't it? "I don't quite go in for all the activities you and the knights like to go on about."

"Ah." Gwaine nods. "I suspected as much. Nothing wrong with that. I had a friend back in Anglia. Good lass. She'd rather count the number of bones in your hand than let it touch her. Wicked sharp with a blade, though." Merlin breathes a sigh of relief that at least he won't have to explain himself further. "For what it's worth, I don't think such 'activities' are all that important to Arthur, either."

Merlin hates a little how that lights up a spark of hope in his chest. "How could you possibly know that?"

"You can tell a lot by what a man doesn't say. There's a difference between keeping things private and plain disinterest. I'm not saying he doesn't go in for it at all, I'm just saying, it doesn't seem to be a priority."

"That doesn't change the fact that he's started holding me at a distance again." Merlin says. If he's here for a good wallow, he might as well commit. "I've wondered if… perhaps the secret of my feelings for him is actually what's driving a wedge between us, rather than the magic."

"Perhaps it's the opposite?" Gwaine suggests. "Arthur isn't exactly the land's smoothest charmer. His feelings for you may be making him awkward." Merlin downs the rest of his cider as Gwaine rests a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I hate to say it, but if you aren't willing to do the barging thing, you may have to use your words."

Merlin sets his mug down heavily. That's what he's been afraid of.

***

Three days later, Gwaine pulls Merlin aside on his way to the day's training. "You seem sunnier today. Asking purely out of my own self-interest—does this mean training might go easier today?"

"That I can't say," Merlin says with a smile. "Just because Arthur's in a good mood doesn't mean he'll take it easy on you lot."

"But he will be in a good mood, though," Gwaine says, elbowing him.

Merlin makes a pained noise and shoves him away. "Yes, alright. You were right."

Gwaine looks unbearably proud of himself. "Did you do the barging?"

"After a fashion," Merlin admits, his grin not tamping down. "I tried words first, but I think he just tunes me out most of the time."

"The direct approach. Works every time."

Merlin shakes his head. "Go on, before you're late and ruin his good mood." Gwaine salutes him before running off. Merlin returns to his duties, whistling. The sun shines in through the windows ahead of him. The weather finally seems to be shifting.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated! <3


End file.
